I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
