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• (314): View more from Missouri

  My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.

  (585): View more from New York

  I hate you.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.

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• (760): View more from California

  Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.

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• (805): View more from California

  The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.

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• (510): View more from California

  Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands

  (1-510): View more from California

  Tgat was the small dick alert

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.

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• (334): View more from Alabama

  I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me

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• (831): View more from California

  I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  Why does my mask smell like doritoes?

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