Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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