My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
