just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
