I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
