3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
