i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
