this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
