Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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