Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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