Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
