i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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