So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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