We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
