i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
