What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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