Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
