I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
