Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
