With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
