You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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