she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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