Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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