U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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