Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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