I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
