She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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