I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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