A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
