i may or may not be watching the land before time
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
