I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
