I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
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he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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