I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
