dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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