3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize