And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
