are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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