do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
