She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
