wakey wakey hands off snakey
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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