You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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