I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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