I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
