Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
