Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
