You just made me feel so damn special
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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