actually, I'm a sock model
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
