The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
BRING THE BAGELS
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
