my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
