i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
