hotel room ftw
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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