Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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