I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
this hospital has no fireball
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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