You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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