the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
