I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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