if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
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I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
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Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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