turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
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I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
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I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just puked most of my soul out..
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