i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
