dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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