He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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