Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
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I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
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Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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