I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
