no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
high people should be assigned attendants
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
