A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
