I queefed so loud it echoed.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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