she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
