I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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