I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
