Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
