i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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